Thursday, April 12, 2012

Working hard just to get back to where I was

Its day before weigh in day... This day is alway rough for me.  I literaly worry myself to death about if I will have a good loss Friday morning.  So dumb I know, in the long run its only one day in this long journey to health but I like to be able to log in a good number.  Last week I had a 4 pound loss which is amazing this far in the journey for me.  Then I went and screwed it up on Sunday afternoon and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings.  Who would have thought that my favorite boneless wings were over 800 calories?????  Ridiculous!  Its just chicken!!!  It must be the sauce and the way they prepare it.  Anyways the next morning I was back up 3 pounds!!!  In my head I knew I couldnt have gained 3 pounds in one day.  According to my fitness pal I had only went over my calories by 399 for the day.  One pound isnt even that much.   And here comes the crappiest part of all,,, it took me up until this morning to get that 3 pounds back down!!  Actually I'm still up 4 ounces.   I have did good all week and stayed within my calories, not going over and I've exercised like I'm supposed to plus yesterday I actually did a extra 30 minutes of cardio.   I dont know what is up but Im hoping the hard work will show up on the scale tomorrow morning!  Ben has already has a good loss this week so I know his numbers will be good.  I'm seriously thinking of posting my actual weight on here.  After all its just a number.  I just dont want anyone to judge me. :(    I hate what I weigh!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Kind of a downer post but still going strong

I'm having a down kinda day today.   I shouldn't be, I got up this morning and did my workout, sometimes I let my feelings get in the way of knowing whats right.  I just wish I could be where I want to be now.. I know that's not possible and I didn't pack on the pounds overnight so they wont be coming off in one night.  I know in my head that I am doing the right thing, eating right, working out, not resorting to diet pills.  I'm doing it the healthy way and its working.  I really have nothing to complain about.  
One thing that worries me though is that maybe I'm not doing enough.  I heard over the weekend that to really burn off the fat I should be doing at least a hour of cardio?????  I don't have time for that,,, I suppose I could get up even earlier but I DON'T want to!  I'm still waiting to get to the point that I look forward to and enjoy exercise.   I hope I get there one day.  I'm always happy I did it but I wouldn't say I enjoy it yet.   I just know its what I need to do. 

I wonder what I'm going to look like when I get to my goal.  I'm pretty sure I wont look like the women I see in the fitness magazines.  I want to look like that, but I have stretch marks, I've had 3 kids,  I have a scar on my stomach from a surgery I had as a baby that makes my stomach look deformed.   I worry about my skin not bouncing back and it being saggy.     I know in my head that all of this doesn't really matter and health is the main goal,  I just can't help having these thoughts run through my head.  I just have to push them to the back of my brain and keep pushing on.. I can't look any worse right?